Bnei Mitzvah Simcha Guide - Hebrew Institute of White Plains

THE SIMCHA GUIDE!

Your roadmap for a bar or bat mitzvah at the Hebrew Institute of White Plains

As you usher your child into adulthood (or at least teenage-hood), the logistics and emotions of planning this event can seem overwhelming. We want to offer you some guidelines about going through this process at the Hebrew Institute of White Plains. We look forward to working closely with you to create the simcha that best fits your child's desires.

In addition to general Jewish training, a Bar/Bat Mitzvah will need to prepare for this special event. The extent of your child’s leading of services and reading (Torah or haftarah) will depend on many things, including, understandably, his or her comfort with Hebrew, prayers, Torah reading capacity, and other skills. This is meant to be a meaningful and positive experience for them, and setting the right expectations (not too little, not too much) is so important.

Your child’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah is also a time for your child to learn with our spiritual leadership. This is a special opportunity to engage our children in learning and for our shul leadership to connect to our children in this venue. Some of our bnei mitzvah use this time also to prepare a dvar Torah, but that is up to the individual child and family.

Please contact our office staff to set up a time to meet with Rabbi Marder or Rabbanit Atara who will discuss the plan for your family.

What happens...and when?

Figuring out what to do to get ready for your simcha—and knowing when to do it—can feel daunting. This timeline can help you get a handle on the process so you can be prepared, every step of the way.

TIMING	TO DO
2-3 years prior	Choose your date—reach out to our office staff who can help and confirm availability.
10-12 months prior	Meet with someone on our religious leadership team to: discuss your vision for the event. schedule study sessions so your child can prepare to deliver a d’var Torah (speech) to the community. Have your child begin private tutoring lessons for Torah reading and/or leading parts of the service, if the goal is for the child to do these things. If you need help finding a tutor, our staff can suggest names.
10 months prior	Book a caterer for the community kiddush and any private meals or parties you may wish to host. Confirm your room rental needs (if any) with the office team.
4 months prior	Schedule a call with the Gabbai team, who will coordinate a time to hear how your child’s Torah reading skills are progressing.
4 weeks prior	Schedule a meeting with the Gabbai team: for your child to practice delivering the d’var Torah and for a final Torah reading skills check (if applicable). to help coordinate honors you wish to give out to family members and friends within the service.

Honoring loved ones

Bar and bat mitzvahs are joyous rites of passage to celebrate with family and friends. And they offer a number of opportunities to recognize people through special honors (kibbudim) during the synagogue service. There may also be opportunities for leading portions of the service or layning Torah or Haftarah.

When you meet with the gabbai team, they’ll go over the honors available to offer to people of your choosing. They’ll also review any considerations to be aware of. For example, some honors are reserved for men and others for women, some involve physical strength (such as carrying the Torah or lifting it for hagbah), while others require Hebrew or English reading skills.

There are also guidelines and expectations that apply to all aspects of the service. These are designed to ensure that services run smoothly, and that we maintain a consistent tefillah experience for our community:

Daveners leading prayer components of the service, and layners chanting Torah or Haftarah, need to be approved in advance by the clergy team or a gabbai.
Daveners are expected to follow HIWP’s customs, liturgy, and musical approach (nusach).
Gabbaim may fill roles and davening slots at their discretion.

How many honors are available to offer friends and family?
The number of honors you can give out will vary. For example, other community lifecycle events may require certain honors to go to individuals outside the bar/bat mitzvah’s family. Make sure to confirm with your gabbai contact which honors are available before offering them to people.

What are the honors and roles typically available to give out?

Please click to view honors and roles.

Organizing the program

There are many ways to organize the events surrounding bar and bat mitzvahs. Here are examples of what some people have done. Bear in mind that the timing for certain elements will vary with the seasons. The clergy and office teams can help you structure a program that works best for your family.

SAMPLE 1: SHABBAT

Friday night
> Kabbalat Shabbat services
> Dinner for invited guests at shul
> Speeches over dinner by individuals other than the bar/bat mitzvah
Shabbat day
Morning services
> Bar/bat mitzvah speech during the service
> Light kiddush for the community
>Lunch at shul for invited guests (follows community kiddush)
> Minchah and a community seudah shlishit at shul

SAMPLE 2: SHABBAT

Friday night
> Kabbalat Shabbat services
> Meal for family and invited guests in your home
Shabbat day
> Morning services
> Bar/bat mitzvah speech during the service
> Luncheon kiddush for the community
> Speeches in the sanctuary by individuals other than the bar/bat mitzvah

SAMPLE 3: WEEKDAY*

Morning services
> Speeches in the sanctuary by bar/bat mitzvah and other individuals
> Brunch in the social hall for invited guests

*Bar and bat mitzvahs can be held on weekdays that include Torah reading. These include Mondays, Thursdays, Rosh Chodesh, and non-Yom Tov holidays, such as Purim.

Chesed projects: living our values

Chesed projects are a wonderful way to focus on Torah values with your bar or bat mitzvah child. Projects can be as simple or involved as you wish. Here are some ideas to help get you started.

Collect socks or other articles of clothing for those in need.
Organize a midnight run (or breakfast run), to provide food to the homeless.
Participate in HIWP’s Kesharim program. Contact the office for names of people in our community who would appreciate a visit. Make a lasting connection!
Volunteer with Hope Community Services to pack and deliver supplies to local families in need.
Organize a blood drive in the community.

Kiddush and catering

Celebrating with the community at kiddush is a festive part of Hebrew Institute bar and bat mitzvahs. The following are a few details to help with your planning.

We expect families to sponsor a kiddush for the community, but fully understand that people have different means. We encourage you to make a kiddush that’s financially comfortable for your family and does not create hardship.
The social hall must remain available for the community kiddush. If you also plan to host a sit-down luncheon for invited guests, your caterer will need to have a plan for turning over the room after kiddush for your private event.
The Hebrew Institute offers kiddush packages at different cost levels through an arrangement with a local caterer. The office team can provide details.
If you prefer, you may bring in a glatt kosher caterer of your choosing instead of arranging kiddush through the shul. The office team can share names of caterers or you may source your own vendors—just be sure to confirm with the office that the caterer you choose is acceptable from a kashrut perspective.
Part of the cost of Shabbat kiddush sponsored for the congregation is treated as a donation and will be tax-deductible to the extent permitted by law.

Room rentals
The Hebrew Institute has spaces available that can be used for gatherings and meals for your invited guests. The office team can provide details, including current pricing.

Questions?

Please contact the office team at office@hiwp.org or 914-948-3095.

Mazel tov! We hope to celebrate many smachot together!